Mutiny on the Bounty

Just Who Is Running Our Ship?

The grave title evokes images of treachery, of pirate ships on the high seas and dramatic historical events. A mutiny is a violent act of rebellion and betrayal. And yet, some historical mutinies may have been justified or inevitable. I wonder if such metaphors can shed light on our inner landscapes and unseen internal power struggles.

Over time, the main focus of my writing has shifted from the macro to the micro, from politics to the personal. In Singular and Collective, I argued that we are a collection of memories and of genetics and attitudes and bacteria and organs. We see ourselves as singular creatures and yet we are a collection of oft-competing voices. We are also singular members of collective entities like couples, families, companies and nations. The more we heal and embody ourselves, the more these other affiliations heal and vice versa.

As I consider what’s behind our relationship struggles, I have landed at attachment theory. In my recent essay, Externalizing the Voices of Maladaptation, I explored how we tend to identify as the thoughts and stances of our attachment styles. We take for granted that we are in charge, making our personal decisions. But I argue that instead of ‘we,’ what often runs the show may be more of a collection of attitudes and trauma responses instead of our true adult self. These programs become second nature and limit our interactions, especially if we are unaware of their existence and unseen influence on our choices.

So the imagery of Mutiny on the Bounty is a furtherance of the ideas I presented in the aforementioned essays. The mutiny in question is one where our core wounds take over. Some core wounds you may recognize: abandonment, mother wound, father wound, worthiness, etc. Core wounds are the result of early childhood trauma. Be it neglect or abuse, we develop these core wounds as a result. We then get triggered by events that remind us of those previous events and which then alerts our amygdala to have a fight/flight response. For some of us who are easily triggered and may have been triggered for years, we may be ruled by our wounds. We do need to externalize the voices of maladaptation, but the attachment style is not the source of the problem. It’s the symptom. The problem is that the core wound is using the attachment style as an interface by which to control us. Because the core wound knows that if we unmask it and do the healing work, we will functionally kill the wound. We will wrestle back authority over our lives and reintegrate the energy that was being used by the core wound. So, I posit that our needs and those of our wounds are at cross purposes. This is the cause of the cognitive dissonance we experience.

We have been operating under the assumption that our core wounds and, by extension, our attachment styles, are trying to protect us. But perhaps our core wounds are trying to stay alive themselves. These mutineers have hijacked our minds. If we are not careful, they will steer our lives over the cliff. They have mutated from a child’s defense mechanisms to a sub-entity, a thought form, a ghost and a pseudo-self. We talk about the wounded self or wounded child, but I think the key word is wound. The wound is in charge. The wound has infiltrated our personality and, in my experience, is constantly trying to distract me from this truth.

This insight was powerful for me for a few reasons. First, recognizing that the core wound serves its own interests helps explain why getting control over my mind is so difficult. The wound is constantly distracting me with fears, worries, sadness, the past and negative feelings and thoughts. These in no way help me. But as long as that wound has me believing it’s me that is sad, me that is broken, then I won’t threaten its existence and its place in the driver’s seat every time I’m triggered. And for some of us, that state may be more common than we know. We may think we are not triggered most of the time, but I’m wondering if we might view such states along a continuum as opposed to an on/off switch. If we have multiple core wounds, it’s possible to be under the influence of multiple wounds at once. Clearing or releasing one may initiate relief and instill the false sense that we are now not triggered.

Earlier I mentioned how certain real life historical mutinies may have been justified or inevitable. I wonder if the mutiny of our core wounds was and is inevitable. If we were traumatized at an early age, then we didn’t develop certain skills and facets of ourselves. The wound may have protected us, but if we never develop in that area and choose to unwittingly self-abandon, then it seems only natural that the wound would step in as a pseudo-self. This would explain its relative sophistication. It may have been impersonating us for years or most of our lives. This works just fine as a provisional solution until new stressors come along and demand more than this stilted version of ourselves can handle.

Then we have to go in and do the work. That work may include therapy, somatic work, meditation, EFT, attachment work, journaling, shadow work, inner child work/reparenting and more. And it is not for the faint of heart, but neither is living under the mutiny. Neither is running away from or driving away those we dearly love. Living in fight-or-flight is not thriving.

If you like my work, please consider sharing it, liking it, subscribing, or being a paid subscriber. I hope this writing helps you recontextualize your life issues and brings you hope. Since I often write about the darkness, I want to include something positive for my readers. Please remember that your essence is loving. It’s ok to need love. It’s also ok to have made mistakes in your efforts to seek love or to have hidden from the overwhelm of its apparent demands. Getting better at this is possible. Soon I’ll be embarking on a course of study where I’ll be learning how. More on that later.

Please enjoy the following song about love by one of my favorite artists: